Alright, so it has been about 8 weeks since my last post about my WeightWatchers journey. I certainly wish I had much more to post, but honestly— not much has changed. I am at a current weight loss of 26.8 pounds. My current weight is 136. I will let you do the math to figure out my starting weight, lol.
And I will be candid and tell you that I write this while I catch up on General Hospital and am eating Birthday Cake Fudge Striped Cookies with tears in my eyes– go ahead and Judge me………
My goal weight is 125, so I am still 11 pounds away and I have a feeling, that it will take me a little while to get to that weight loss. I am sort of at a stand still right now. I know that is normal and I know that 26 pounds lost is a great thing. I actually feel bad that I am not as happy about it as I should be. But, realistically- I have not been working quite as hard as I was before, so I haven’t been expecting much!
I have a reached a point where I am just ready to give up. My confidence is soaring, I am feeling amazing, but there is just something that pulls me to the other side. The side of me that wants to eat what I want, when I want, the amount I want. The part of me that doesn’t want to track everything that I put in my mouth, and then feel guilty when I choose the “wrong” things.
And, to be perfectly honest. I HAVE given up. I haven’t weighed in in about 3 weeks. I haven’t tracked any of the food that I have put in my mouth, and I haven’t really been doing much in the area of exercise aside from the occasional dance class and work out video here and there. Jen and I have been talking and we are thinking of trying something new that starts on Monday, but I am still not 100% sold on that either. Why is it that the more work I have to put into something, the less I want to do it? Am I really that lazy? The answer is … yes! I really am that lazy. And it just plain sucks. Over the past month, I have been complimented more than I could ever imagine. I have been praised for my weight loss. My boost in confidence has not gone unnoticed. I carry myself slightly differently, I smile way more than I have in a long while. I was even told, just recently, “Wow, I can actually put my hands around you, which means you must be losing weight” (Wait a minute, was I that big- I don’t think so, but the fact that someone could comment like that makes me realize just how drastic my weight loss has been)
Why would I want to sabotage that? Why throw all of this hard work away? Unfortunately, if I had the answer, I probably wouldn’t be writing these questions one. SO if you come to these posts for motivation– click off NOW- You will NOT get motivation here. You will get real life. Real feelings, real self sabotage, real self pity, real ME!
I am not just my weight loss. I know that. I know that there is so much more to me than that. I am extremely happy and grateful for as far as I have gotten.. I don’t take any of it for granted.
Let me close this by saying– Yes, I am giving up Weight Watchers. And yes, I acknowledge all of the good that it has done for me.
BUT NO — I will not just stop trying to lose the weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. My journey with weight loss and the journey to find myself is so far from over. It has only just begun………