Becoming a confident woman

*WARRIOR * This is NOT the body of a supermodel. Or a non super model. Or model of any kind in that case. Well maybe the model for real life flaws and the journey to body confidence. Okay, I’ll take that one😃
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This body has seen many shapes and been many things. It has been fit, heavier, exhausted, battered, strong, bruised, beautiful… however, it was/is very rarely
confident.
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We need to love ourselves and that goes so much deeper than our physical body. This does not mean that there is shame in wanting to lose weight, be healthy, look “good” in certain clothes. This just means that we need to be respectful to ourselves allow for mishaps on occasion throughout the process. We deserve to love ourselves first. Lately all across our social media pages we see posts of all kinds of bodies: thin, not as thin, fit, not as fit, loved, not as loved.  None of these is wrong. None of these is right. We are not in a position to judge anyone else’s bodies and/ or their perception of their body. That is a personal thing,  one that I happen to not mind talking about.
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My current body is not my favorite, and yet I will honor it while I put in the effort to switch up a few things. I will honor my body for the fights it has had to go through as well as the accomplishments it has survived with me. This is the same body that carried and birthed 3 babies naturally and un-medicated. This is the same body the pushed itself past many physical limits during boot camp and my time in the Army. This is the same body that endured physical abuse from someone who I cared about. This is the same body that trained and completed many 5Ks and a Half Marathon. This is the same body that has held my children and friends in her arms while they struggle with life. This is the same body that participated in an adult hip hop class for 5 years even though I looked a hot mess. (Trust me, it was so fun that it was worth it). This is the same body that walks into yoga classes and walks out feeling slightly more powerful.This is MY body. This is MY temple.
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*CONFIDENCE* This is NOT the body of a model. This is the body of a WARRIOR. And this body is no longer fighting a battle. It is not fighting any enemy. This is the body of a woman who has learned her worth and is working to have that worth shine out of every pore. This is the body of an up and coming CONFIDENT WOMAN.

12 weeks in – My FINAL weight loss and WeightWatchers journey

Okay, so I am 12 weeks into my WeightWatchers journey and figured it was time that I started documenting this journey. Mainly for myself and also for the accountability factor. When I know there may very well be some person reading about my journey and since most people are judgmental-what better way than to hold myself accountable to anyone that has access to this blog.

First, let me jump right in and talk about why I took the step to join WW. It is honestly because I am just tired of being “overweight” and out of shape. It takes a lot to really admit to yourself and others that you are overweight and out of shape. And I started to admit it to myself about 2 years ago– like really admit it. You know, the say it out loud while looking in the mirror with tears in your eyes. Alright- so maybe you don’t know, but that’s what happened to me. I got out of the shower, started getting ready and really took a long hard look at myself in the mirror. Now, my family tend to think that I am extremely vain and conceited honestly though, I have not been a huge fan of the mirror for a while. Mirrors = reality to me. A reality that I don’t want to always accept.

I have spent the majority of my life looking like I was in phenomenal shape. It’s only been in the past 6 years that I have truly started to “look” like my reality — out of shape, a little “fat”, and frumpy. It doesn’t help that I prefer sweatpants and hoodies to nice clothes. I as slowly increasing my clothing size and made my way up to the double digits in pants size. I recognized my problem long before I reacted with a solution. Some people seem to just be nicer than others. I am all for being honest. But there is a fine line between honesty and tact and just plain rudeness and insults. And I just don’t think that everyone understands that line. Several people felt that t was their job to act as my personal mirror and tell me just how much weight I had gained. And even still….. no changes were made on my part.

And then that day came at work when I decided to weigh myself one morning. You know the drill… walk up to the scale, feel intimidated, take of your bracelets, earring, rings, shoes, name tag – but leave your glasses on because come on, seriously, how much of a difference can THOSE make… and then star at the scale a little longer. Wait, that’s not what everyone does? Hmmmmmmmmmm…………
But anyway, after I lost my staring war with the scale, I realized that I had been defeated long before that moment and stepped on.  And the number on the scale was one that I knew was NOT acceptable– 164 lbs!!!

I made the decision with my friend, Jen, to sign up for Weight Watchers on January 17th of this year!  I must say — I am so happy with my decision.  On January 17, 2016, my official weigh in weight was 162.8.  I am now 12 weeks in and have lost a total of 20.8 pounds.  I was down a little bit more, but at my first weight gain of 0.4lbs this week.

It has not been easy.  It hasn’t always been fun. It hasn’t always made me happy.  BUT- it has all been WORTH IT!  It has taught me so much about portion control.  Things that I should have already known, and I think I do, but something that I clearly needed help on.  It has caused me to have to buy new pants– I mean, I haven’t bought any yet, since I mainly live in sweats, but I am in desperate need of some new SMALLER jeans.  It has helped me with my self confidence… yup- some of my self confidence is based on my weight. Call me vain if you want, but it’s the god honest truth and I am not ashamed to admit it!

I still have about 20 more pounds to go until I reach what I consider to be my “healthy” weight.  And no, I won’t be too skinny, no I’m not crazy, and yes, I know what I am doing.  I figure I should get those answers out since everyone always says something to me when I talk about my goal weight.

I also need to get more focused on my exercise.  I was running and then spinning almost consistently.  But running as taken a back burner to everything else in my world and the times for spinning just haven’t been working for me.  I do dance twice  a week, but that is not nearly enough.  I plan to start back up with running very soon and am also hoping to get back into Yoga. No set plan or anything- just things I know need to be done.

All in all this experience is going much better than I had originally anticipated and for that I am grateful.  Most importantly, I am very proud of myself – I am known to be a quitter.  And while I have gotten a little more relaxed with my food tracking, I am FAR from quitting!

Maybe 12 more weeks from now, I will still be going strong and will be able to give another update.  And maybe even be brave enough to post a before and after pic 🙂