(Photo courtesy of http://theeverymom.com
Happy Mother’s Day 2019— Even if you are not a mother or do not celebrate mother’s day for any reason, this post may be an important one for you.
Mother’s Day comes every year. No surprises. In May on a Sunday there will be a mother’s day. A common question to mom’s is, “How do you want/plan to spend your mother’s day?” This question always makes me antsy at first.
For starter’s, I do not always go and visit my mom. She lives 10 minutes from me and somehow, most often, I do not take the time to go over to her house to see her. Sometimes the day falls on her wedding anniversary, but her and my dad are homebodies, so they are normally home. This means that I really do not have much of an excuse. And a lot of people seem bothered by the fact that I don’t always have that in my plans for the day.
The second is that I almost always say that I want to spend the day without my kids. Yup- I said it. I don’t normally want to spend my Mother’s Day with the 3 reasons that I even “celebrate” the day. And while it sometimes makes me antsy to say it to people, I have decided that from now on I will no longer feel guilty for that. I completely understand that I should probably want to spend the day with them, but I don’t. And I don’t apologize for the way that makes other people feel anymore, my children included. Sometimes my kids don’t even want to spend the day with me. OR rather, they are okay that I don’t feel we need to spend the day together,
And third is, I normally only want to have my house entirely cleaned by someone that isn’t me, . And for the past 14 years that I have been “celebrating”- I can tell you- that has never happened, even though it has been on my “what I want” list since Mother’s Day 2008 after I got married and had someone else living with Madison and I.
I think a lot of people assume that my not wanting to spend the day with my kids means that I must not love them as much. I know this assumption to be true because it has been said to me. Although, Not true!!
I love all 3 of my kids. I think the cards and gifts they make at school are adorable. I love hearing them say Happy Mother’s Day. I love when they sometimes make breakfast for me with or without the help from their dad. All of those things are priceless and I am grateful for them. I don’t want gifts that need to be purchased or are given just because it is believed that you should give your mom something. I have them and that truly is enough (sometimes, too much to be quite honest)
And still, I would prefer to have the day to myself. Binge watching my shows, showering and putting back on pj’s, writing, reading and listening to books/podcasts, cleaning, and sometimes even taking myself out to get something to eat if I want, etc. Now, let me explain this further… I do these things anyway. On any day that I really feel the need/want to. My kids are a little older so they do not need my attention 24/7 so it has become easier and easier to do them when time allows. The difference between doing them any other time and doing them on Mother’s Day is that I feel less guilty doing them on Mother’s Day, so I crave this even more.
This year, Madison asked what I wanted. I told her for the house to be cleaned, she even told me that she knew that is what I was going to say. It never got done. I stopped expecting it to , but will continue to answer this way for Mother’s Day, my birthday, and Christmas. I am optimistic that one day it will get done. Damian asked me if I wanted the day with or without kids. Without kids was my response, of course. So his plan was to take the 3 kids down to see his mom and Grandma. And I thought that was a lovely idea. They would get to see most of the members of that side, hang out, and definitely well. However that did not happen. Mayci was refusing to go because she felt very strongly that because it was Mother’s Day, she must stay home with me and hang out. This is the first time this has ever happened with any of my kids. Madison, a typical teenager, decided last minute that she didn’t want to go and was going o stay home as well. Now, I know that decision had nothing to do with spending time with me and that is perfectly okay. Myles woke up super late and ended up going with Damian- he didn’t even wish me a Happy Mother’s Day, he just simply rolled out of bed, brushed his teeth, got dresses, grabbed his electronics bag, and left. Again, I wasn’t even bothered by it.
I will tell you that Madison and Mayci completely surprised me by baking a cake for me and making me breakfast this morning. I was up pretty early, so I made some coffee and then headed to my desk to work on a project that’s deadline had already passed and I didn’t even realize they were upstairs working on their own project. I love how they decorated the cake with cut up strawberries, because then it became a healthy cake for me haha. Myles didn’t participate because he has had some pretty late nights and did not get up after the several times that his sisters told him to. (Perfectly okay with me). So the girls and I had a nice quiet day at home each doing what made our hearts happy while the guys went and filled their hearts with joy.
I think the reason I chose to write about this is because I feel that we need a reminder constantly that what works for us does NOT work for other people. And we need to be reminded consistently that this is OKAY!
I understand that there are mommas out there that would give anything to spend the day with their child that they lost, or gave up, or don’t have this weekend, or have longed for but cannot conceive, etc. I know there are people out there that would give anything to see their own mom again or for her to be closer to them so they could see at all. I also know that this feeling doesn’t come and only stay for the day for them but that it is in their heart daily and for all time and on a day like Mother’s Day, it stings just a little worse sometimes. I know there are moms that have lost children, are longing for children, are estranged from their children, are exhausted raising their children, are loving their children, are struggling with their children, are praying extra hard for their children, and the list goes on and on and on. I also understand that it may just seem that I am not grateful for what I have been blessed with. I no longer feel the need to justify why this is how I prefer to spend my day, it just is what it is. And I am grateful that I have a husband and children that understand and respect my feelings when it comes to this.
Regardless of your status on this Mother’s Day— please be kind to yourself! Allow yourself to spend it in a way that makes YOU feel good, not in a way you feel obligated to. Make sure you allow yourself to honor your feelings and allow them to show up in whatever manner they may. If the title of mom is one you hold dear than this is YOUR day for sure-but honestly—— so is every DAMN day. Celebrate yourself today and EVERYDAY and do not let titles or “holidays” dictate your moves, wants, needs, etc. If gifts and spending time with your children and/or your mom is what makes your heart happy than raise your children that way and be that example to them.
Most importantly- just remember to be gentle with yourself and others. Days like these are sometimes extra hard for some however that does not mean that you need to feel guilty if it not that way with you. It’s all about finding ways that make the day be about what it is meant to be. Celebration of amazing woman- regardless of their status within the “mom” role.
Happy Mother’s Day. Now let me get back to doing nothing….
In all things find beauty,