God knows that I love my kids. I really do, I mean it. And yet, which in reality is just my fancy way of writing BUT, yet sometimes I don’t like my kids or even want to be around them. I know right now all of those perfect parents are out there thinking to themselves, “how on earth can she say those things, what kind of mother is she?” I know people think that because people have said it to me.
Well, I feel that I am a normal mother. A real mother. A mother that isn’t afraid to speak the truth. Maybe not a “typical” mother, but normal according to my definition of the word. And that is all I care about.
I can honestly say that I am not one of those mothers that always misses my kids when they are away. Sometimes, I am just so grateful that I have time to myself and don’t have to entertain anyone or fetch anyone some juice, snacks, lend a listening ear, etc. Yup- sometimes I plain just don’t want them around. And because of this “alone” time, I am also extremely grateful that my kids all have activities, friends, and family members that keep them busy and want to actually spend time with them. I am one lucky lady.
Now my kids are amazing kids. Pretty well behaved for the most part and extremely intelligent and self sufficient. But nope, I still don’t always like them. I have even caught myself resenting them at moments. Yup– I am not afraid to admit that anymore. I also think that in the moments when I have felt that resentment, that it is probably best that I a, away from them for a moment. Don’t think that I wrote that I regret having my children. I am so glad that I have each and every one of them. They have each taught me many different things about my life and brought a special something to our family dynamic. With that being said, yes- I have thought about how different things may have turned out had I not had kids.
Please remember, that right out of high school, I had no intention of becoming a mom. I never wanted kids and always wanted work to be my first priority. Then reality set in. I wanted to have sex, I made the not so smart decision of not being “on point” with my birth control, and then came child #1. Fast forward a few years and I got married and then we decided to try to have a child and here comes child #2, Child #3 was not a surprise by any means (I’m not an idiot, I know how babies are made), but we weren’t exactly planning that child.
3 children was definitely the limit for me. I know darn well that I would not be capable of handling anything more than what I have.. .even sometimes the 3 of them pose a challenge for me. Maybe that is why I am not the super loving mom that society tells me I must be. I am not the cuddling type. I don’t eat after my children. I certainly won’t kiss them on the mouth. Yet – I do love my children and I try to show them in the best ways that I am able to. I tell them that I love them at least once a day. I make sure they have a place to live, food on the table, and even some extras at times. I listen to them when they are telling me long, drawn out stories about things I have no interest in hearing about. I help them wipe their butts when they need me to. I stay up until the wee hours of the morning helping them straighten their hair for pictures and dance competitions. I drive them to all of their activities and spend the majority of my money on things for them. I clean up after them. I am the Secretary for their school’s PTO, help out at dance recitals, and let them pick out food while I am grocery shopping. I wipe away tears when they are hurt (normally because I am the one that has upset them). Stand up for them when necessary. I correct them when they do the wrong thing and I hold them responsible for anything they do- good or bad. I will sit in silence with them when they have had a rough day and just need quiet time. My ways of showing my kids love may not be conventional- but they are real.
So when you hear me saying I want time away or I need alone time, please just respect it. It may not be your style. You may not even approve. And you are entitled to that. Just know, I love my kids, and yet…